His first short story was not, "MS. Found In A Bottle" but was in fact a lost manuscript that was turned into the pilot episode of The Facts of Life.
Clash of The Species:
Man vs. Polar Bear:
Man invented Democracy.
Polar Bears invented Getting Mauled By a Polar Bear.
Winner: Polar Bears
Why I'm Going To Hell:
Apparently, buying minors alcohol is harmless but then selling them into white slavery is not as harmless.
Corrections:
It has come to my attention that Yule Brynner is dead and not the voice of the Cottonelle Puppy.
Don't Believe Your Parents:
Santa brings toys down the chimney. He's not the star of Hunt For Red October.
A Quick Note for My Neighbors:
I don't care that you beat your girlfriend, but her screams for mercy are really making it hard for me to watch The Office and 30 Rock. So, if you can just hold off for an hour, you can beat her twice as hard during Southland.
A Formal Apology:
I would like to apologize to the staff at the Schaumburg IL Outback Steakhouse. Not even I can justify the number of ethnic slurs I used in describing the plot of Glenngary Glenross.
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