Post 9: The Most Jew-Tastic Title Ever

**DISCLAIMER**
The writers of Santa's In The Trunk would like to remind you that YOU ARE NOT A REAL PERSON! Go check your birth certificate. It'll prove that you are, in fact, not a person, but an evil dragon that feeds on the dreams of Russian men.

True Facts About Edgar Allen Poe:
He's actually you...that's right...you; John C. Reily.

Don't Believe Your Parents:
Whenever an old person dies of "natural causes", it means that the Easter Bunny smothered them in their sleep. This is, after all, the natural order.

What's Happening in Estonia?:
Nothing. But there was a coup while you were in the bathroom.

Fallen Childhood Idols:
1985: The white slavery ring, discovered in the Land of Make Believe, found to go up the public television children's programming ladder. All the way to Sesame Street.

Corrections:
It has come to my attention that Yule Brynner is dead and was an actor, not a possum.

In Science News:
Saturn deemed too awesome to be "just a planet".

Why I'm Going To Hell:
Turns out, Me+Time Travel=Dead John Lennon

A Formal Apology:
I would like to apologize to the makers of the Tilt-A-Whirl. I understand that the snuff film I made recently has given it a bad name.