True Facts About Edgar Allen Poe:
Wrote all of his work in Mandarin Chinese and then translated them into English for the publishers.
Don't Believe Your Parents:
Professional Wrestling is real and you should put your little brother in an STF right now.
A Quick Note for My Neighbors:
Who the fuck plays Jai-Alai these days?
What's Happening in Estonia:
Lots and lots of polygamy.
Corrections:
It has come to my attention that Yule Brynner is dead and is not President Obama's nominee for Supreme Court Justice. My apologies of Sonia Sotomayor
In Science News:
The Surgeon General has taken a new stance on cigarettes. "Smoke Up"
Why I'm Going To Hell:
I think anyone who was in the theater with me during "My Sister's Keeper" knows why I'm going to hell. I'd rather not discuss it.
Reasons I've Been Fired:
Whole Foods: Suggested a cost cutting "Half-Foods" policy
Jewel Osco: Suggested same policy but in the hopes of bringing the chain a step up in quality
Seventeenth Church of Christ Scientists: Too Jewish
A Formal Apology:
I would like to apologize to the staff at the IHOP on N. Halstead in Chicago, IL. I just assumed that anytime after 10:30 was "Pants Optional".
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